Book Blitz: My Ex From Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #1) by Tellulah Darling
Book Details:
My Ex From Hell by Tellulah Darling
(The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #1)
Publication date: April 1st 2013
Genres: Fantasy, Mythology, Young Adult
Synopsis:
Sixteen-year-old Sophie Bloom wishes she’d been taught the following:
a) Bad boy’s presence (TrOuBlE) + teen girl’s brain (DraMa) = TrAuMa (Highly unstable and very volatile.)
b) The Genus Greekulum Godissimus is notable for three traits: 1) awesome abilities, 2) grudges, and 3) hook-ups, break-ups, and in-fighting that puts cable to shame.
Prior to the Halloween dance, Sophie figures her worst problems involve adolescent theatrics, bitchy teen yoga girls, and being on probation at her boarding school for mouthy behaviour. Then she meets bad boy Kai and gets the kiss that rocks her world.
Literally.
This breath stealing lip lock reawakens Sophie’s true identity: Persephone, Goddess of Spring. She’s key to saving humanity in the war between the Underworld and Olympus, target numero uno of Hades and Zeus, and totally screwed.
Plus there’s also the little issue that Sophie’s last memory as Persephone was just before someone tried to murder her.
Big picture: master her powers, get her memories back, defeat Persephone’s would be assassin, and save the world. Also, sneak into the Underworld to retrieve stolen property, battle the minions of Hades and Zeus, outwit psycho nymphs, slay a dragon, rescue a classmate, keep from getting her butt expelled from the one place designed to keep her safe …
… and stop kissing Kai, Prince of the Underworld.
My Ex From Hell is a YA romantic comedy, Greek mythology smackdown. Love meets comedy with a whole lot of sass in book one of this teen fantasy romance series. Compared to Kai and Sophie, Romeo and Juliet had it easy.
Purchase - only 0.99c on Kobo, iTunes, and Amazon:
Excerpt
The creek began to shimmer. Instinctively, I took a step back, placing Theo square
between me and the water. A form rose gracefully from the surface.
Nysa was everything one might expect of a nymph. Slender, with waist length auburn
ringlets and large blue eyes, her skin was creamy white. Basically, she was gorgeous.
Unfair! I punched Theo who turned confused eyes my way. “Next time,” I hissed “prepare me so I can dress appropriately.” I’d never been a girl to care about keeping up with the Jones’, but sheesh! Sweats versus the dazzlingness of a nymph was a little too unbalanced,
even for me. All I needed to complete the moment was Kai showing up.
I tensed, unsure of how to greet such a spectacular creature and thinking of possible
formal salutations. Then she opened her mouth.
“Ahhhhhh” she squealed. “Oh my goddess, I can’t even believe it’s you!” She bopped out of the river—clad only in some strategically placed seaweed—and rushed me like a twelve- year-old girl reunited with her BFF at summer camp.
She jumped up and down as she clenched me in a hug. Squashed, I looked past her to Theo, who was lamely attempting to keep his composure.
“Like, I can’t even believe you’re here? When I heard from Prometheus, I was all ‘no way.’ But he was like ‘way.’ And he’s such a serious ninny that I totally knew he wasn’t lying.”
That description of Theo so failed to resonate with me that I made a mental note to learn whatever I could about Prometheus. Turning human must have entailed a massive personality switch.
Nysa hadn’t stopped talking this entire time. “... She was being such a Medusa head about letting me come. We both knew it was about that seriously cute shepherd liking me and not her. So. Not. My. Fault.” She tossed her hair. “I can’t help being beautiful.” Nysa screeched again. “I love your new size. You used to be so tall, but now ...” She pranced around me in a gleeful jig. “We’re the same height. It’s like we’re sisters!” She poked my padded (99% clothing, 1% chocolate) belly. “‘Cept I’m the skinny one!”
Nysa threaded her arm through mine and waited. I had no idea what for. “Uh, yeah.”
Apparently that was enough because she jumped up and down. “Whaddya wanna do first?”
“Get the box?”
She stopped jumping and turned a very displeased frown on me. I rushed on. “Please. We’re under a kind of tight timeline.”
The creek water bubbled. I glanced at it nervously. “And there are a few people who need to be saved.”
Steam rose off the water. Nysa glowered at me with full-on hatred. “You haven’t seen me in sixteen years and all you can say is you want the box?”
I had the strongest sense that should I say the wrong thing, she might cause my blood to bubble. Time to switch gears. I tossed my hair in my best Bethany imitation and fake laughed. “Just to get the stupid thing out of the way, silly. Theo—Prometheus is so uptight about it. Mr. Stick-up-his-butt.”
Theo glared at me, but it was the least he deserved. It was also the right thing to say because Nysa brightened and slapped her forehead. “You. Are. So. Right.” She retrieved a small black plastic cube from the creek and tossed it to Theo. It didn’t look big enough to hold a finger, much less an entire head. “Scram, boy. This is girlfriend only time.”
“Wouldn’t dream of impinging,” he said, a big smile on his face.
The look I fired back at him promised tortures galore. He was going to leave me with this mentally unstable, dangerous child? I sighed. Fine. I’d give Nysa half an hour and then beg off.
“What now?” I asked brightly.
“Kyrillos.” She giggled. “Spill.”
I thought it was going to be a very long half hour.
I was so wrong. It was a very long six hours. She made me tell her every detail of my life,
then regaled me with her share of sixteen years worth of gossip involving total strangers. Supposedly, I’d known them at some point and should have had a shred of interest. It made reality television seem deep. I couldn’t believe I’d cared about it all, at any point.
Somewhere during my third seaweed wrap at the makeshift spa Nysa had set up creekside, as she prattled on about the ongoing saga between Aphrodite and her latest boy toy, I zoned out. I was exhausted, hungry, numb, and suffering from a blinding migraine. If I didn’t get away from Nysa and her mindless chattering soon, I was going to turn my powers on myself, end my suffering, and let the human race fend for itself.
I rose and shook off the seaweed. “This has been so super swell but I have to get ready for class.” Nysa stared at me like I was an idiot.
“But, like, you’re a goddess.”
“In human form.”
“No probs. I’ll come with.” Her eyes shone with fervent eagerness. Yeah. That would be
great. She could swan into my school mostly naked and I’d pass her off as my cousin. I’m sure no one would mind.
“Are there a lot of cuties?”
That finished it for me. There was already a dragon loose at Hope Park. No nympho nymphs needed. We were full up.
Guest Post :
10 Things You Didn't Know About
Tellulah Darling
1) I am too lazy to learn songs properly, choosing instead to just fit whatever word seems closest to the phonetic sound I hear. This means that nothing I sing makes any logical sense. However, they are all wildly creative. Every once in a while I actually figure out what the words are supposed to be and realize how much sense the song now makes. What's funny is that there are certain songs I'm suck in a perpetual loop with. I learn what they are, promptly forget and go back to my nonsense, and then have that deja vu moment when I understand them again. Maybe I was dropped on my head as a child.
2) I love to travel but hate flying. As a result, I spent much of my life gripping the arms of my airplane seat while whispering "please don't fall" for hours on end. Happily, my doctor informed me a couple years ago (while staring at me like I was an idiot upon hearing how I coped) that since my way didn't work, I might want to try drugs. Miracles of modern science, indeed!
3) Speaking of travel–the first time I went to Italy, I was 15 yrs old. We were in Heathrow waiting for our flight to Rome and I'd fallen asleep stretched out across the chairs at the departure area. I woke up to the sight of the Italian National Football (Soccer) team seated around me. Even at that tender age, I was partial to that particular flavour of man candy. So I shot up and might have tried to shove my little brother under a seat in an attempt to look like a worldly solo traveller. Yeah, right. I wish you all a similar wake up call with *insert group of hot men of your choice*.
4) I was a professional screenwriter for 12 years. Crazy things happen in writers' rooms. On one of my favourite shows to work on, the showrunner and I plotted out the entire season arc's battle using Smurfs. This was for a kids' show. We'd renamed them with our characters' names and did their voices and everything. On another, not a kids' show, there was an actual meeting to discuss the star's wife's Playboy photos. There can be this intimidating mystique around film and television. Don't believe any of it.
5) I forget that my husband is one of my followers on Twitter. This leads to a lot of head shaking when I've been a bit too vigorous discussing hot guys - fictional or otherwise and steamy reads. I try to push the excuse that it's simply ways of interacting with social media friends and readers. I think I’ve gotten
away with it but I’m not sure because I am no longer able to make eye contact with him.
6) I hold a Masters' Degree in Film Theory. Yes, you read that right. In watching movies. Okay, and criticizing them. Possibly the most useless degree known to mankind. Not only that, I did my Master's thesis on Gender and Spectatorship in the animation of Chuck Jones. Which means that I watched Bugs Bunny Cartoons for two years. My family despaired. They used to lie and say I was studying journalism. I share this with you so that if your family gives you any grief about your area of study, you can use me as an example of how it could be so much worse. You're welcome.
7) I think that the right shade of lipstick and a great head of hair can be a woman's finest accessory. Who's with me here?
8) I think the world needs more choreography. I have a constant soundtrack in my head and like to tap dance my way through the day. Which in my head comes off like a brilliant Gene Kelly-esque routine. I take no responsibility for how it looks in reality. Obviously, you all just need to see things in my special way.
9) I love my Kindle because it allows me to read my steamy romances to my heart's content without the constant judging I get from haters who obviously are down on love. I've found that if I nod my head sagely whilst reading, people think I'm engrossed in some deep literary classic and perhaps feel bad for not reading such a weighty tome themselves. I feel no guilt for this. I've had too many years of snotty reactions to all the genre reading I've done.
10) Since I write romantic comedies, I'll share a couple of my favs with you. Book: Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie. This is the smexiest book around. (Ha - autocorrect wanted it to be the smelliest book around.) Film: When Harry Met Sally and The Princess Bride. Don't make me choose. It could get ugly.
If anyone wants to chat books, romcom or otherwise, let's friendvite on Goodreads or email me on my site www.tellulahdarling.com.
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